March 31 – Reconcilliation

by Marilea Rabasa

When I met my partner, Gene, twenty-four years ago, he was an experienced canoeist, and he loved paddling every summer. So I figured I’d better learn fast. One memorable incident was during a trip to Quetico Provincial Park across the Minnesota border in Canada. It was there that I added a chapter to my “Life Lessons”  journal.

Gene and I always went canoeing with his best friend, Jack and his wife, Pat. I didn’t like Pat from the beginning. She talked non-stop, endlessly showing off how much she knew about everything. And worst of all, because I can’t even boil a carrot, she was a gourmet cook.

So the two weeks of wilderness paddling and camping were a challenge for me. At the end of one day, we scouted around for a stellar camping site and I showed Pat the one we had found.

“This island sucks,”  she sniffed, “Jack and I’ll stay on that one over there,”  she informed us, pointing to another one across an inlet.

“Okay,”  I chirped. “See you tomorrow.”

I was awakened in the morning by the smell of smoke in the air.

“Gene, get up!” I screamed, looking across the water. “There’s a fire on Jack and Pat’s island!”

We piled into our canoe and raced across the inlet to find them frantically trying to remove the underbrush from the flames. Soon we heard the Canadian Forest Service arriving by helicopter to douse the area. It took twenty-six hours, but they finally extinguished the fire.

Pat had neglected to stamp out her cigarette while she was shitting in the woods, and, well, shit happens.

She was inconsolable. She loved nature and couldn’t bear to see the results of her carelessness.

The Canadians sent a crew of four, two Ojibwa Indians, the ax man and the pump man, an assistant chief and a chief, both White. The cost of the manpower and equipment could have exceeded $12,000 if they hadn’t called off the aerial bomber. It was a particularly dry season that summer in Canada, but they didn’t fine us. We were lucky.

Pat and I had pushed each other’s buttons plenty before that incident. But our esteem for one another began then. I suppose the dark side of our natures enjoys it when our adversaries falter. And I’m no different. But somehow that smug inner smile turned the mirror back onto me, and I didn’t like what I saw.

“Pat, Pat, come on,”  I insisted, offering her a hug and a shoulder to cry on. “It could easily have been me. I smoke too. Please, don’t be so hard on yourself. It was just a terrible accident.”

She and I hold each other in very high esteem now. This brief confrontation with my darker side opened my heart to appreciating Pat’s good qualities. Maybe it also reminded me how human we all are and how important it is to lift each other up as we pass through life.

Beats bitchin’.

Marilea Rabasa is a retired teacher and the award-winning author of her first memoir, A Mother’s Story: Angie Doesn’t Live Here Anymore. Her recovery blog is published at She and her partner have an orchard in New Mexico. Summers are for grandchildren and salt air at their home on an island in Puget Sound.


4 responses to “March 31 – Reconcilliation

  1. It would have been so easy for you to continue to feel smug and superior in that situation. However, being able to admit one’s own foibles and reach out to others when they screw up is healing for both people involved.

  2. A very honest post; universal in that it reveals a ‘darkness’ before the ‘light’ can come in. Most good friendships are based on a shared humanity. Glad the Canadians came off so well in your story (I live on the wet west coast) and it was in an odd way a reminder that many-many athletic and nature-loving individuals also smoked in the good ole days.

    • I know, Debra. We all smoked back then (not so long ago), but I quit in ’02. By the way, the “wet west coast” was dry as a desert last summer where I live in Puget Sound. I think it rained twice!

  3. Thank you for your comment, Woodscrone. As you pointed out so well, continuing to feel smug and superior would have kept me stuck in a hole, isolating me, and keeping me from growing and becoming a better person. I don’t avoid the mirror anymore. Humility makes all my relationships stronger and richer.

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