by Debra Dolan
Twenty nine years ago today I married. It was the beginning of a dream I thought I wanted; such a man was interested in me. For all accounts and first impressions–handsome, successful, fun, charming . . . I was swept off my feet. Never knowing what that was or meant until he smiled at me in that beer line-up–the fundraiser for Meares Island. I remember looking behind me as I could not believe it had been intended to land on my insecure lonely soul. What was that expression made famous years later?–“He had me at hello.” Well, Glen always had me with that smile.
Twenty nine years ago today I married in a beautiful garden that my young love had nurtured for many years. We had our ceremony and reception in his mothers’ back yard filled with plant material that my landscaper fiance had rescued since his youth from abandoned properties or turn-of-the-century homes about to be abolished. Apples fell from the trees, birds sang freely & naturally and bees buzzed in harmony to the harpist as we shared our vows. It was our legal formal beginning. Never had I felt more beautiful or energized. It was glorious and etched in my mind forever as clearly as if it took place this week; remaining a favorite day of my life.
Twenty nine years ago today I married. It was the beginning of disappointment, betrayal, financial ruin and emotional pain that took me years to recover from. The heart broke wide open when the public declaration of 1987 soon became a public humiliation by 1992. As I did not rush for premature closure on reflection that time was also the catalyst for real change in my life and for that I am enormously thankful. I had lost the desire of knowing what I really wanted in this world and in my life. I discovered that a vast treasure chest was offered to me in unexpected ways that did not include being Mrs. Minaker. I continue to discover myself independent of the approval or permission of a masculine influence.
Debra Dolan lives on the west coast of Canada, is a long time (45+ years) private journal writer, and an avid reader of women’s memoir. She has been a member of Story Circle Network since 2009.